By Olivia Chavigny de Lachevrotiere, BA International Business Management
Going to study at the university is an absolute experience. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had moments here that I could never forget.
but…
It might not always be as jolly as I had imagined. I thought these years would be the absolute happiest, I thought that I would meet friends for life and become successful irrespective of what I do with my time. I even though I might find a future husband while at the university! That was my vision, and my plan.
But I felt it already within the first couple of weeks. Moving away from my home country where my friends and family live – to the UK – turned out to have a greater impact on me than I thought. I refused to give up and did all I could to be out there and get the experience. I joined the A Cappella and Beatbox Society, became a committee member for my national society, enrolled on a language course. I also participated in many study workshops at 301, and the Entrepreneurship Skills Autumn programme. I applied for the Study Abroad programme at an overseas partner university. I refused to lose the experience, with an intent to use the time I had to the maximum.
But even then, I felt lonelier than ever. Never being fully able to express myself, but most of all not being able to find friends that I would feel fully comfortable with. I couldn’t get close with anyone. Every exam session, I started either locking myself down in my room and crying through the evenings, or putting myself out in the library to be able to focus at all. I put on weight, ended up in a bad relationship where I felt suppressed. I felt like I always needed to impress people to be able to fit in, but it only caused me to persistently fail to open up.
I went on my Year Abroad to Amsterdam, met more people, I thought it went away…
And then I got aggressively crushed.
In winter, during my Year Abroad, I got depressed.
All of that happened during my “happiest” time, when I should be going out and party, and be all out there with people. But all I could do is stay in bed and sleep through the days, unable to fully focus, constantly catching colds and unable to accept myself, feeling hurt and alone. I felt like I was falling behind socially even more, seeing the new exchange students in my student accommodation in February, after the new semester started, spending time together, or at least knowing each other’s names! I didn’t know their names for months. I coped by binge eating sweets and watching TV shows, to escape my thoughts and get the sugar rush, and keep going. There and then, I knew it’s too much, and I reached out. Here’s what I did, and what ultimately helped me:
- First, I reached out to the Student Psychologist at my university abroad, then to a private counselling centre (covered by my insurance). Slowly but steadily, I started getting up on my feet;
- I studied, but allowed myself to let some pressure go, I allowed myself to be me in this foreign environment. I stopped chasing acceptance, but instead, I focused on the people that were there and the goals that I actually wanted to pursue;
- I allowed myself for a slow summer without working, to recover and actually enjoy my time for a change!
- As soon as I came back to Sheffield, I went to a doctor and asked for medical evidence for a disability (mental health), in order to receive help from the Disability and Dyslexia Support Service (DDSS). At DDSS, I got a Learning Support Plan written up by a staff member, based on my symptoms and needs;
- I registered for a triage appointment with the Student Access to Mental Health Support (SAMHS), which eventually allowed me to access online counselling services with the Big White Wall Live Therapy,
- I focused on physical exercise and eating healthy food – not necessarily limiting myself, but finding strength in overcoming physical limitations at the gym.
Now, it was a long and a very personal battle. It prevented me from having the desired by all “time of my life” while studying abroad, and experiencing the student life in full.
But it also taught me how to cope when I start feeling worse, and how to take care of myself in this fast-paced world. I’m better now, and I am on track to graduating soon with good grades.
Many people will have experienced symptoms of a common mental health disorder in their life. It’s good to know that if you feel this way, you’re not alone. And you should reach out, because there are means to help you. You deserve to be happy, and to enjoy your time at the university. I fought and won the battle, and I’m positive that you can too.